confidence builder, fuller fillies, plus sized rider, Rubenesque Rider, sponsored -

Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

 **Warning...I'm going through a "woe is me" stage**

I don't think I've had a more frustrating week in a long time!!
It isn't often I go through things like this, but it really seems as though the "horsie gods" don’t want me to get points on the board.

Thankfully all of my little herd are in tip top shape, so I can't blame my troubles on injuries or illness.  Sadly, it is just my own mind that I'm battling against, and of course we all know how powerful our minds can be, especially when we get even the tiniest of negative thoughts in it. All of a sudden that teeny, weenie little problem becomes a problem that you really should be broadcast over the evening news "Good evening, and welcome to Ten's News At 5...first up tonight, Reen's struggle against the odds".  Of course Mal Walden will go on to explain that "the odds" are something as traumatic as not being able to help Jack out when he disunites during canter work...the rest of the news watching public will be shocked and dismayed, and shake their heads and "tut tut" under their breath...but they will be with me in my struggle.

Hmmm, maybe not....instead, I sit here and wonder where the bloody hell I went wrong last week.
Part of the issue is that Jack is still lacking a little bit of strength and fitness when it comes to canter work, so what we do is small bursts broken up by quality trot work, then back into a bit of canter. But this week, I just couldn't seem to get there! Our canter has been going so well - smooth, lovely strides that you can really ride all day...but all it has taken was a "mini-meltdown" on my part, and I know that it was my mind playing awful tricks. Honestly, I'm sure my life would be simpler if I didn't have a brain!! Just call me wait...Scarecrow!!! That’s a little funny...I couldn't even get that right (Reen makes a mental note to sit down and watch The Wizard of Oz tonight!!)

When I sit here and analyze the issue, I know exactly what I need to do, but when I'm out there, on the odd occasion, something in my brain flicks and I just lose it...I forget what to do, even though I know what I should do!! Talk about frustrating!!!! Of course this is where that old vicious cycle begins...the self-doubt! I don't know how many times I've said to myself " Just stop, don't do anything, you'll only mess things up".  In actual fact, what I should be saying to myself is "Oi...woman!!! What are ya doing??!! Do it properly!!" I know if those words went through my head, then all would be fine and fact they are probably the same, exact words my instructor would say to me!! Perhaps I should ask her to record some insightful words of encouragement/bum kicking. Or perhaps I should just have a little more faith in my own abilities?

I sometimes wonder if these little "hiccups" are a result of pressure we put on ourselves...I know I had given myself a little bit of a challenge and had penciled a competition into my diary...I'm still trying to decide if it's a bad idea going...I'm pretty sure I'll make an absolute meal of that. I know I'm not the only one out there who has a little moment where we truly believe we suck.

What I do know is that all will be fine for the next ride. I will approach things with an open mind, I will not allow what happened last ride dictate what I do this ride, I will have confidence, I will listen to the good side of my brain, and not the devil sitting on my shoulder, and I will totally have a fantastic ride with the equine dude I have chosen to be my partner and friend

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